"PLATYPUS AT NOON"
"I mean, 'Cats' was probably written by seventh graders
and seemed stupid at the time." ~Monica Patankar~
Yes, Monica and I actually were working on a musical,
called "Platypus at Noon." It was to becom the definitive romance platypus
musical of our time. We haven't finished it, but our show-stopper, "You Can't
Eat That Platypus," came out pretty good. So, I've been writing more songs when
I've had nothing better to do. Maybe someday you'll see it on Broadway or as an
animated movie and say "Wow! I visited the home page of one of its
writers!"
"Platypus at Noon" is the story of Clementine Valentine
and zookeeper Norman Banks. They each own a platypus, named Muddle and
Ponsantby. Poacher Pomp Ossidy can't decide what to do with the platypi he
plans to catch, when he suddenly gets the idea of serving them for lunch.
First, he needs to test it out, and decides to experiment on Muddle and
Ponsantby. He captures them, and it's up to Clementine and Norman to work
together and save them.
"You Can't Eat That Platypus"
Pomp Ossidy has captured Muddle and Ponsantby and is
about to eat them for lunch! Clementine and Norman, at the same restaurant but
at different tables, see their platypi on a plate and rush to save them. They
run to Pomp and shout, "You can't eat that platypus!" at the same time. They
both turn to each other and burst into song...
You cannot eat that platypus
Not this-a-pus or that-a-pus
Because they are our duck-billed friends
Although it may seem-a-pus
A little bit a-weird-a-pus
You must
stay calm and try to understand
What would the world be like-a-pus
Without-a-pus a
platypus
Unless you like it sad-a-pus, save our duck-billed friends
And so this ends our song-a-pus
Of this-a-pus and that-a-pus
So
save our little duck-billed friends
Save our little duck-billed friends
Here's a Midi File I arranged of this
song.
Sharpen my Fork, Sharpen my Knife
Having been foiled by Clementine and Norman, Pomp sings
this song (with backing vocals by girlfriend Yvonne Mead and assistant Mel
Pelt). He is determined to catch Muddle and Ponsantby and won't let anything
stop him.
How can two meddling fools
Interrupt my plans?
It really is meant
to befuddle
I had planned it so well
There was hardly a flaw
Yet I
don't have Ponsantby and Muddle
Sharpen my fork, Sharpen my knife
I'm gonna eat a platypus
tonight
No minor atrocity
Will stop me, Pomp Ossidy
From achieving my
ultimate goal
My riches rely
On two platypi
Which soon shall be in my
control
From the day of my birth
To this moment right now
My dreams have
been loudly resounding:
An immense mansion
And infamy great
And
affluence simply astounding
Sharpen my fork, Sharpen my knife
I'm gonna eat a platypus
tonight
No minor atrocity
Will stop me, Pomp Ossidy
From achieving my
ultimate goal
My riches rely
On two platypi
Which soon shall be in my
control
Sharpen my fork, Sharpen my knife
I'm gonna eat a platypus
tonight
Here is the MIDI file of this song.
Platypus Pictures
(drawn by
me)
Get Back to With a
Little Help from My Friends
Get Back to Words of
Weirdness